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<\/h1>\n<\/h1>\nBy six o\u2019clock that evening, every detail of my future had already been decided.<\/p>\n
My navy suit had been tailored on Newbury Street. My grandfather\u2019s antique cuff links rested at my wrists. A diamond ring sat inside the inner pocket of my jacket.<\/p>\n
At seven-thirty, I was expected to propose to Sloane Barrett beneath the glass roof of my family\u2019s private conservatory overlooking the Charles River in Boston.<\/p>\n
Our parents had arranged dinner.<\/p>\n
A photographer was waiting.<\/p>\n
Champagne had been delivered.<\/p>\n
Even the flowers had been selected according to Sloane\u2019s mother\u2019s preferences.<\/p>\n
There was only one problem.<\/p>\n
I did not love Sloane.<\/p>\n
She was kind, intelligent, and perfectly suited to the world I had been born into. Our families had done business together for decades, and everyone seemed convinced our marriage would be the final piece of an elegant puzzle.<\/p>\n
I had spent most of my thirty-seven years allowing other people to arrange my life.<\/p>\n
That evening was supposed to be no different.<\/p>\n
Then I stepped into a restaurant bathroom and saw four little boys who looked like childhood photographs of me.<\/p>\n
I had stopped at a small upscale restaurant in Back Bay because my driver was delayed and I had nearly an hour before the proposal.<\/p>\n
I walked into the men\u2019s room expecting nothing more dramatic than washing my hands and checking my tie.<\/p>\n
Four boys stood in a row at the sinks.<\/p>\n
They were dressed in matching navy school sweaters and khaki pants.<\/p>\n
One of them pushed his dark hair backward, tilted his head, then reached his left hand behind his neck.<\/p>\n
The other three copied him almost immediately.<\/p>\n
I stopped walking.<\/p>\n
I had made that exact gesture my entire life.<\/p>\n
My father called it the Mercer habit because nearly every old photograph of me showed my hand behind my neck whenever I felt uncertain.<\/p>\n
One boy saw me staring through the mirror.<\/p>\n
He turned.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy are you looking at us?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n I opened my mouth, but for several seconds nothing came out.<\/p>\n His eyes were blue-gray.<\/p>\n Mine.<\/p>\n He had a small dimple beside his left cheek.<\/p>\n Mine.<\/p>\n Then the other three turned around.<\/p>\n Same eyes.<\/p>\n Same dark hair.<\/p>\n Same chin.<\/p>\n Same dimple.<\/p>\n The tallest boy stepped forward.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m Kellan. That\u2019s Keaton, Kyler, and Knox.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n He pointed at each brother.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re quadruplets.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n My heart began pounding so loudly I could barely hear him.<\/p>\n \u201cHow old are you?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cSix.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Six.<\/p>\n The number landed inside me like something heavy.<\/p>\n Six years earlier, the woman I thought I would marry had vanished from my life.<\/p>\n I crouched slightly.<\/p>\n \u201cIs your father here?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Kellan shook his head.<\/p>\n \u201cWe don\u2019t have one here.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Knox corrected him.<\/p>\n \u201cMom says we have one. We just don\u2019t know him.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n I stopped breathing.<\/p>\n \u201cWhere is your mother?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Kyler pointed toward the restaurant.<\/p>\n \u201cShe works here.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n I followed them back into the dining room.<\/p>\n Near the kitchen doors, a manager was speaking sharply to a woman wearing a server\u2019s apron.<\/p>\n \u201cYou cannot keep the boys in the storage office overnight, Ms. Hayes. I\u2019m sorry, but there are rules.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n The woman lowered her voice.<\/p>\n \u201cI understand. I only need somewhere warm until tomorrow morning. I\u2019ll have another place by then.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Then she turned.<\/p>\n Six years disappeared in one second.<\/p>\n Rowan Hayes.<\/p>\n The tiny mark above her right eyebrow was still there.<\/p>\n Her hair was longer now, pulled into a loose knot.<\/p>\n But I recognized those green eyes immediately.<\/p>\n I had once known every expression that moved through them.<\/p>\n Now the only expression I saw was shock.<\/p>\n \u201cCallum?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n The four boys appeared beside her.<\/p>\n Rowan\u2019s face lost its color.<\/p>\n \u201cBoys, get your coats.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n I stepped forward.<\/p>\n \u201cRowan, wait.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cNot here.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cI need to understand what\u2019s happening.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n She gave a quiet, bitter laugh.<\/p>\n \u201cYou had six years to understand.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n I stared at her.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat does that mean?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n She grabbed two worn duffel bags from beside the kitchen door.<\/p>\n Ten minutes later we were standing outside in the freezing Boston evening.<\/p>\n The boys huddled near her.<\/p>\n I pulled the key card to my Beacon Hill apartment from my wallet.<\/p>\n \u201cTake this.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Rowan looked at it.<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cThe apartment is empty. Stay there tonight.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cWe don\u2019t need your charity.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Then Knox tugged gently at her sleeve.<\/p>\n \u201cMom, I\u2019m really tired.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Her expression changed.<\/p>\n She looked at her sons, then at me.<\/p>\n Finally, she took the key.<\/p>\n Before turning away, she said something that changed the rest of my life.<\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019t get to disappear for six years and suddenly act like their father.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n I stared at the four little faces beside her.<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t disappear.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Rowan went still.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cI came back from London and you were gone. My mother told me you left because you didn\u2019t want my life.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Her lips parted.<\/p>\n \u201cYour mother told me you wanted nothing to do with me or the babies.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Neither of us spoke.<\/p>\n For the first time, I understood that perhaps neither one of us had abandoned the other.<\/p>\n Someone had separated us.<\/p>\n At 5:42 p.m., I called my executive assistant.<\/p>\n \u201cTaryn, cancel tonight.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n She paused.<\/p>\n \u201cThe dinner?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cEverything.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cIncluding the proposal?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n I looked through the restaurant window.<\/p>\n Rowan was kneeling to zip Knox\u2019s coat.<\/p>\n \u201cEspecially the proposal.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n By the time I reached my Beacon Hill apartment, the boys were eating tomato soup around the kitchen island.<\/p>\n Rowan had washed their school sweaters and hung them across the backs of chairs.<\/p>\n She looked uncomfortable in my home.<\/p>\n I probably would have too if I had spent years believing the owner of that home had deliberately abandoned my children.<\/p>\n We waited until the boys were watching a movie before stepping into the glass-enclosed balcony.<\/p>\n I asked the question that terrified me most.<\/p>\n\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\nThe Woman I Thought Had Abandoned Me<\/h1>\n
The Proposal I Never Made<\/h1>\n