My mother did everything in her power to keep me from seeing my father after they divorced. But one time he cheated on me on the phone and everything changed.
“I never want to see you again!” my mom screamed as my father got into the car and drove away from our house forever. That became my first memory. Dad left when I was two after a huge fight with my mother.
They divorced and I didn’t see him for many years. As I grew older, I realized that my mother prevented me from seeing him. “I want to visit Dad. Please!” I begged when I was ten.
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“No! You can’t go see him. He’s busy with his new family and he doesn’t want to see you,” she replied. “I know that’s not true! You’re lying to me! I talk to him on the phone and he wants to see me.” I cried, begging him to see my father.
“Don’t talk back to me, Alexandra! Your father left us and he doesn’t deserve to have a relationship with you now,” said Mom. She thought it was unfair, but she was still just a child.
My dad and I kept in constant contact by phone, but I really wanted to spend time with him and I knew he wanted the same. Mom, however, was an expert at getting her way.
When I was a teenager, I decided to go see him alone and she called the police. They picked me up before I could get to his house and took me back.
“Next time you try to disobey me, I will say that your father kidnapped you and you will go to jail where you belong!” he shouted at me when the police left.
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At the time, I thought she was doing the right thing for me. But as I grew older, I realized it was pure selfishness on her part.
I didn’t want to share with her or do anything. I also started rebelling at school. She drove a huge wedge between us, and I didn’t care anymore.
“Alexandra, do you want to go shopping with me?” she asked me one day. I was 17 and had almost come to hate her.
“No,” I replied. “And to the movies?” he said. “No,” I replied. “Why don’t you want to do anything with me?” he complained. “Really? Are you asking me that? You know exactly why I treat you this way,” I said in a bored tone.
“I haven’t done anything to you! All the sacrifices I’ve made for you, and you’re so ungrateful!” Mom shouted once again.
“Yes, okay. Close the door, please,” I added.
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By then, I was immune to his tantrums and the way he played the victim to get his way. I moved out as soon as I turned 18 and never looked back.
But seeing my dad wasn’t any easier. I had to take two jobs and go to school. He was also busy with work and his second wife had just given birth to twins by then. Neither of us had time, so we put it off.
I met him one Saturday afternoon at his house and met his wife. I was introduced to the twins and we talked for a while. But it felt so awkward that I didn’t want to do it again.
Maybe my mother had ruined any chance of having a relationship with him. We talked on the phone for a while once a week.
I asked him about the twins and told him about my life. It wasn’t ideal, but it worked for us. So the years went by. I didn’t hear from my mother until I was 29.
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“Hi, Alexandra,” he said slowly over the phone. “Oh, hi, Mom,” I replied, confused by his call. “We haven’t talked in a long time. How are you?” he asked.
“I’m fine. How about you?” I replied. We chatted awkwardly for a few minutes, and then she got to the point. “Listen, honey. I was hoping we could work on improving our relationship. How does that sound?” Mom asked.
“I don’t know. Are you going to apologize for everything?” I replied. “I… I still don’t think I did anything wrong. I was trying to protect you from getting hurt, like when you were little. But I understand that you felt differently,” she explained.
“So, you’re not apologizing?” I said, tired of this conversation. She was never going to admit her mistakes, and I didn’t have time for that.
“Alexandra! I’m your mother. You haven’t talked to me in years! You’re so selfish!” she moaned, raising her voice. “Ok, bye,” I said and hung up the phone. She tried to call me back, but I ignored her. I wouldn’t let her back into my life until she apologized.
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Another year passed and I got a strange call from my dad. He never called during work hours. “Alexandra! This is an emergency! Can you come see me?” my dad said urgently when I picked up.
“What? Dad? What’s wrong?” I asked worriedly. “I sent you an address. Come quickly! It’s a matter of life or death!” he said and hung up.
I went to see my boss, took a day off, and ran to my car. But the address Dad gave me took me straight to an amusement park near his house.
“Hi honey!” he smiled when I met him at the front door. “Father! Why are we here? What’s the emergency?” I asked, confused.
“The emergency is that you and I never got to do all the fun things that parents do with their kids over the years. We’ve been putting off building a real relationship and I don’t want to waste any more time. Let’s have fun!” Dad explained.
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“Can you go on the rides?” “I know you’ve had some health issues lately,” I said hesitantly. “I’m fine. Let’s go!” he insisted.
We spent the whole day in the park and talked about everything. I felt like a child for the first time in my life and it was wonderful.
I also told him about my problems with my mother and how difficult it was to see her as a child, because she wouldn’t let me. “Your mother is complicated and full of pride. But she’s not bad. We didn’t work out and she couldn’t handle it,” she began.
“Yes, I wish I could have lived with you,” I said. “Well, I was pretty lost for many years trying to figure things out. We could have hated each other.”
“But here we are, and I think you should make things right with her. Life is too short to hold grudges,” he said. After that wonderful day at the park, we went out to dinner.
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When I got home, I called Mom and told her everything I felt about my dad. How he had hurt me back then by not letting me spend time with him and how much fun our day had been.
She cried and apologized to me for the first time. I felt like she understood and we started talking more often. I also became closer to my dad and took care of my twin half-brothers.
We even took them to the amusement park for a fun day out. I finally had the childhood I always wanted.
What can we learn from this story?
- Divorce happens between couples, not with children. Alexandra’s mother did not understand why her father had divorced her, but she did want to have a relationship with her daughter.
- Life is too short for grudges. Alexandra’s father is right. Sometimes, it’s better to forgive for your own good. Forget the things that make you angry and your mental health will improve.
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This story is inspired by the everyday lives of our readers and has been written by a professional writer. Any resemblance to real names or locations is purely coincidental. All images shown are for illustrative purposes only. Share your story with us, it could change someone’s life. If you want to share your story, send it to info@amomama.com .
